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Friday, April 08, 2005

 

Top Ten Things Liberals Want from God

The UH Daily Cougar columnists take on Pop Culture today was pure tripe (the libs at the DC didn't even take care to post it online yet). One can take note that they no nothing of character just by reviewing the tripe they write. So instead I came up with my own top ten list on the Top Ten Things Liberals Want from God:

10. To use God's name to fool weak minded UH students into praising Democrats.

9. Remove 'In God We Trust' from all American money.

8. Take 'Under God' out of the Pledge of Allegiance.

7. For God to have Mary abort Jesus.

6. Stop making all tax collectors Christians.

5. For God to make all women only love women.

4. For God to make all men only love men.

3. For God to stop all Americans from warring.

2. For God to stike all Conservatives down.

1. For God to stay out of their miserable liberal lives forever.

Comments:
Thank God he doesn't listen to liberals.
 
I think someone should tell you that your post is incredibly stupid. Now you know.
 
No Kyle, what's stupid is liberalism.
 
"I know you are, but what am I?"
Excellent argument for a supposed college student. What are you studying? Urinal clensing techniques?
 
".........they no nothing of character....." ????? Does UH teach the difference between "no" and "know"?
 
Give the guy a break. With his obvious intellectual limitations, cleaning skanky toilets is about the only job he will be able to get. Poor cranky little wanker.
 
Obviously this was an effective post.

By hacking my comments and character to death, the Godless libs are trying to build up their own self esteem enough to keep themselves from committing suicide.
 
UHLH - Your "emotional blowback" levels seem to be dangerously high, which can result in unnecessary stress, brain tumors, or chest beetles. Do you exercise regularly? If so, you should probably stop. Do you drive a truck? If so, you should purchase one of those bead things that you put on the seat behind you. In addition, increase the amount of chalk and vitamin M in your diet. This will not only decrease your emotional blowback level, but it will also grow hair in the back of your throat and allow you to pass through solid objects after drinking heavily.
 
Gentlemen, the reason I am so "emotional" about what I say, is because I have seen a lot of "shit" is my short few years on this Earth. And I'm just a few years older than you pansies.

I've seen war, the deaths of people firsthand. I don't gloat about my service record, but I am proud that I served when my country called and I did not run and turn tail like a lot of liberals would have done.

I've seen freedom, people crossing into a land where they could do things they wanted within the bounds of the law. Twice. Of could you libs would love to have Saddam Hussein back in office if you could get away with it.

I've seen people in bondage, where if people spoke out against the government or its leaders, they would be arrested and executed.

No gentleman, you do not understand because you have not seen battle, death, or service to this great country. You have not but contempt for her and the great people who have served her in tough times.

You prance around campus like little the liberal "steers" you are speaking out for our enemies as if you were Jane Fonda herself -- and you cannot help it. You are saddled with the sins of your 1960's parents who were complete wimps compared to your 1940's grandparents.

It wouldn't hurt if you really put yourself into the shoes of the other side. I know its probably to late for some of you to have "seen" what I have seen. But you still have time to feel pride in the United States, instead of feeling contempt for it.
 
Oh yeah, you are so right. I just can't stand all those liberal pussyboys who turned tail and avoided conflict in Vietnam, Korea and Desert Storm 1, big liberal pansies like George W Bush, Big Dick Cheney, Donny Rumsfeld, Tom Delay, Bill Bennett, Newt Gingrich, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, John Bolton, Andy Card, Scooter Libby, Paul Wolfowitz, Richard Pearle, Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell just to name a few of those gol dang America haters...
 
Yes you pointed out people who did not serve in a combat zone, and that's fine.

But THEY DID NOT PROTEST against our countries policies in wartime. They supported the military.

Those men DID NOT visit America's enemies and sit on their anti-aircraft artillery pieces and praise the enemy, during the goddamned war.

Those men DID NOT go overseas to Europe and Russia to protest against America's policies, during the goddamned war.

Those men DID NOT write their ROTC instructors and saw that they "loathed the military", during the goddamned war.

I'm talking about those REAL "liberal pussyboys" as you say that are running around UH talking "shit" and hearsay, thinking they know everything when they've only had their head buried in books, listening to liberal dinosaur professors about a skewed truth.

There is only one Vietnam Veteran professor on the UH campus, and a majority of his fellow professors around campus, especially in AH and PGH were calling for his "death" back in the 60's.

Screw the libs!
 
Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.

Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!

People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good person, and Unexalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.

Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.

We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons.

We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.

Brother Gatling Gun of Patience notes that he's pretty sure the world is out to get him because everyone laughs when he says he is a Unitarian. There were murmurs of assent around the room, and someone suggested that we buy some Congress members and really stick it to the Baptists. But this was deemed against Revolutionary Principles, and Brother Gatling Gun of Patience was remanded to the Sunday Flowers and Banners committee.

People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.
 
I feel your pain and frustration my Brother in "Unitarian Jihad."

I to am on my personal Jihad -- my crusade is against liberalism.
 


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